Two Short Stories for the Price of ... well, none -- it's free!

I've been working on my fiction writing, and getting better about submitting my short stories to online literary magazine to be published, and it's paying off!

Two just went up online this week:
Hot Heat
This is a twisted story about a twisted kid. It's Jennie's favorite short story of mine, randomly. :)
There's actually a lot I like about this kid - even though he's a sociopath -

Time for a Change

A few weekends ago, I went to New Jersey for some much-needed time with friends. It was amazing!
They are so much fun, and they really bent over backwards to accommodate my every whim. We went into NYC, but stayed out of Times Square, which was a specific request of mine. We had a fancy lunch in the city and walked around and looked at funky consignment shops in Greenwich Village, before taking the train home. We visited our old stomping grounds at Rutgers, and I was able to buy a million scarlet and black RU shirts/sweatshirts/license plate holders to last me until the next time I visit. We ate at Friendly's and a diner. We got our nails done and made-our-own sundaes. And best of all, I got to laugh and hang out with them, hug and hold their babies, and revel in the time with some of my oldest friends. It was a great time.
But...
I realized on my drive home from the airport
       that I was happy to come home
                                            anxious to leave NJ
                                                                 but most astonishingly.....
                                                                                                     I was
                                                                                                            in a terrible mood.

How dare I, right? I mean, they took time off of work, they drove me everywhere I wished. They treated me like a queen (and they would think nothing of it, I promise you! This is how they are for their friends!). But really, my bad attitude had nothing to do with my awesome friends, or the things we did while we were all together, because, like I said: It was amazing.


Last year, when I visited for a wedding, these were their stats:
Friend 1: Getting married, apartment, great job as lawyer, no kids
Friend 2: Newly Married, brand new house they are working on, finished grad. school/looking for job, no kids
Friend 3: Married for a couple of years, house for a couple of years, great job as accountant, no kids.

Here are the stats this year:
Friend 1: Newly married, new apartment, same great job as lawyer, no kids
Friend 2: Married for a couple of years, new house is finished, great new job as a communications director, brand new baby
Friend 3: Married for a couple of years, house with newly remodeled kitchen, same great job as accountant, brand new baby

These were my stats a year ago:
Single, same lovely house, same ... job, no kids

My stats this year:
Single, same lovely house, same ... job, no kids.

Look, it's not just that I wish I was married (I do), or that I wish I had a brand new baby (I do), or that I wish I had a more awesome job (I do). It's all of that, together. 
So I'm working on things, because nothing will get better just by me sitting and wishing it. I'm pretty optimistic about things, and I'm hoping that when I visit again in a year, I'll have more new things to share with them.
(well, yeesh! I was optimistic, before I wrote out this post and saw it all in print!)

Catalyst 2010

I recently attended Catalyst 2010: the tension is good. There were several amazing speakers with pearls of wisdom for the 13,000 eager leaders. Several of the speakers stood out to me and some just went WAY over my head. The intellectual presenters were tough to connect with but I was still able to learn from a few of them.
Daniel Pink, author of Drive, challenged each leader to define themselves in a single sentence. What a challenge! I have been thinking about my sentence, what sentence sums up ME.
How do you sum up your whole self in ONE sentence?
I had a jumping off point, something I have been feeling for the past few years as I have rebuilt from the inside out.
Beautifully Broken.
I knew I wanted to incorporate the idea of brokenness in my sentence.
After much thought, I have come up with:
I am rescued and redeemed from my brokenness by the blood of Jesus.

What is your sentence?

FEAR.

When you ask someone what they are most afraid of, you will hear answers like spiders, snakes, sharks, the dark, water, heights etc. Most of the fears that people speak about are tangible. People aren't always quick to talk about the circumstantial fears.
When I think about my fears, my mind wanders to the unknown elements of my life. There are definitely tangible things that I don't like, but those are not what I most fear.
I am more afraid of the What if's?

What if I never get married?
What if I never have children?
What if I die young?
What if people don't like me?
What if I don't make a difference?
What if I don't fulfill my purpose?

Fear is a natural response to the unknown. So how do we deal with the fear?
Simple: ACT. The only way to get over any fear is to ACT. Some of my fears may never be resolved. Some of the What if's may never be fulfilled. ACT in spite of the fear. ACT as the spirit leads. ACT to make a difference.
ACT.

Contemplation

A couple weeks ago, I went on a missions trip to Eleuthera, Bahamas. It was so different than I thought it was going to be. First, it was a LOT of work—which I was surprised by but also happy about. I taught 2 of the 4 days at Vacaction Bible School. When I say taught, I mean we created the lessons from scratch. We didn't use a pre-packaged VBS lesson. I did many things that were out of my comfort zone. I have never really taught Biblical concepts to children or adults for that matter. I think my fears and insecurities were more with the adults hearing my lesson than the kids. Kids are sweet, forgiving, comforting and understanding. Adults don't always have those qualities that help build a person up. Much to my surprise, teaching was fun. I had a blast doing skits and teaching kids about deeper biblical concepts. The highlight of my week was when a little boy, Malik, came up to me after one of my skits (which I was very nervous about) and said “Good play, Good play! And he patted me on the back.” I wouldn't trade that moment for anything.
I also did more physical labor than I have ever done in my life. I really miss being in Eleuthera. Although I don't miss the heat, I miss waking up each day with specific purpose and never knowing what will happen next. I know that God is active in my life everyday, I think I was just more aware of it and searching for it more when I was in a different country doing work for the kingdom. I have been toying with missions, in my mind, for a while. I left saying, “I will know after this trip whether I am being called to missions or not.” To be quite honest, I still don't know. I do know that God has a purpose for my life. He has something in store. I don't quite know what it is yet, but I am searching—searching hard. I know one thing, I am ready and willing for whatever God asks me to do.
It is difficult to see Christ in everything when I am back to the normal routine of life. It was such an encouragement to feel that way EVERYDAY for a week. So....in this stage of my life, I will work to see God in EVERYTHING, regardless of where I am or what I am doing.

I Think It All Started For Me...

I can't speak for my friends, but I've been having a time, lately. The time is best described as frustration with God, a waiting period that feels as though it's never-ending. I feel that I am unable to enjoy the present and I'm constantly looking ahead to find my purpose or fulfill some longing.
And I'm working on it.
But my relationship with God has definitely been affected (not necessarily in a bad way), but I have been working through a lot of things with my Savior, and not always feeling as though it's been a two-way conversation. But the thing is, there are some things that I know are true, based on past experiences and also “because the Bible tells me so”. So here are some words I hold steadfastly to:
God is good.
When I seek him, I'll find him.
And then Romans 8:26-28:

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

Oh, that text has been really guiding me lately.
Also, I am all about Psalm 23, since we had an awesome sermon on it at church yesterday. It's chock full o'goodness. I could probably focus on a different word each day and get so much from that passage. (Right now, I'm all about "He restores my soul.")
Anyway, this all comes up because Mr. John Mark McMillan, master singer and songwriter, wrote this post on his blog, which is … well, just what I needed to hear.
So one day, I'll have the rest of my story: I think it all started for me ….