Friday, February 27, 2009

Cat Lady Equation

The famous Cat Lady Equation came about one night when I was hanging out with my friends Loggins, Anjajog and BRM (**names have been changed to protect the innocent).
This issue is this: I want a puppy, but due to my semi-active social life and the fact that I’m single, it would be irresponsible to get one. So people suggest that I get a cat, because cats basically take care of themselves. Let me tell you something – suggesting getting a cat to someone who wants a puppy is like offering brussel sprouts to someone who craves chocolate cake. Truth. Plus, just as possession is 9/10 of the law, owning a cat is 30% of the way to be a cat lady.
The quintessential cat lady owns three cats, lives alone, has limited social interaction, and talks to/about her cats several times per day. Let’s say she is 100% cat lady.
Loggins, my dear friend, owns one cat, but talks about her incessantly (that bumps up your percentage, Loggins!), and feels the need to “entertain” her “friends” with “funny” stories about her cat. Loggins, luckily, has an active social life. Loggins is 35% cat lady.
I own no cats, but live alone and am single. I socialize with people, though. I am 5% cat lady.
Anjajog owns several cats, or, I guess I should say that several cats live at her house. But she’s also in a relationship (that puts the percentage way down!), and does not even mention her cats. Anja is -2% cat lady.
Also to note: “Cat Woman” is NOT the same as “Cat Lady”. Don’t confuse the two. One is very cool. The other is very not.


  1. Thank you for including me in this story. I enjoy your math skills which put me at -2% cat lady. I am afraid that I am becoming more cat lady though. For instance, I brush the cats now. I know, I know. There is a reason though. I hate their freaking hair being on every freaking thing I own. So it is really out of dislike for the cats that I spend the time brushing them. Please let me know if this effects my percentage in any way.

  2. yep, you're into the positive numbers now. Touching cats puts you at 10%, easily.

  3. So our old boss lady is 120% cat lady...
    *owns three cats- done
    *lives alone-check
    *has limited social interaction- triple check
    *talks to/about her cats several times per day- I'm not sure if she is able to talk to other people about her cats because of all of the yelling and cursing...